Have you been going through a hard time in life? or are you in the process of one? I have to.... A month ago my Nanny passed away i was there when she took her last breath and when she was on her journey to a new and better life. It was a very hard process leading up to her death... She went into coma four days before.. and couldn't eat or drink anything. She didn't even remember my name... She was in so much pain her Dementia was getting worse by the day.. we knew she was gonna go for a while, but didn't know when.. there were days when i left my job early to spend time with her just in case she passed.. i made a promise to my aunt after he passed last year that i would be there for Nanny when she passed until she took her last breath.. and i did so. Jan 20th at 12:51am she took her last breath. she had up to 11 seizures before that, but she was so out of it her body wasn't feeling it.
I'm gonna back up for a min...When i was young and growing up i had two ladies in my life that i learned to love so much. and that was my Aunt and Nanny. When i was Six years old they used to live in this small appt. and i can remember the building and the format. You would walk in and there was the living room. to your left there was a hallway the first door on the right was the bathroom then there were three other rooms that were bedrooms. the hallways was very narrow. Then you turn around back to the living room and there is a wall. on the other side of that wall there was the small kitchen. we used to put a blanket in the carpet floor and eat lunch while watching Little House on the Prairie.. That's when i first learned about Laura Ingalles Wilder, and her family and how they grew up.. Nanny would always point out things about her dress or how she was in love with Almonzo. She said one day i was gonna fall in love just like her and when i did she wanted to meet my boyfriend see if she needed to beat him or not saying it in a joking way. i told her in response that it would never happen, no one could ever love me. She looked at me and said yes i would....
A few years down he road they moved across my family and i when we lived in Kentucky. i would go over almost everyday and watch Tv shows and eat with Nanny and Aunt Amy. i would even spend nights with them. When i gave Nanny gifts she would be so happy and excited about it.
Every Christmas Nanny would get a envelope and put five dollars in it, and at the top of the envelope she would put little notes.. even though we knew what it was every year it still meant a lot coming from her. So every year we would put them on the tree and that would be the first thing we wanted to have as our gift.
There was a lot i was going though as a kid, and because of Nanny and Amy i'm still here today.. When i tried to end my life they would talk to me and ask me to never do it again and asked what caused me to want to do it. they never told anyone. They always respected me enough and because of them i didn't do a lot of things i wanted to do. or that i'm doing now. and i'm not doing them now because i never listened. but it's a way i can cope and be ok. They always encouraged me to be the best i could be. they taught me it's ok to ask for help as long as you don't cheat people out of it. and that you have respect for those who help you.
When we moved to Tennessee away from them i was very disappointed and upset, not just because i was loosing friends and the only home i knew but also because i was leaving them behind, no more visits or times with them. After we moved they came and visited us for a while, i can remember sitting on the deck with Aunt Amy and Nanny and we were all talking, and out of nowhere Nanny gave me ten dollars for no reason. i asked why she gave it to me and she said it was five from her and five from Amy just because they loved me and i was their favorite grandchild. Then Amy asked me if i wanted to go to Stake and Shake so we did that. a few years later Nanny got very sick to where Amy was having sleepless nights and taking care of her. So i went down there with Brett's mom and i helped her out. at that time i was so scared of loosing Nanny. she kept calling for Amy. Well Nanny got better, but Amy was getting worse. A few months later My Aunt passed away in her sleep. she went in and out of coma. she was on life support. and two times she came out. she asked for me and some others. but i was working so i never when. then she passed and when i herd i felt guilty cause i didn't go. So i made a promise that i would be there for Nanny when she took her last breath. And i did so When Nanny passed i was holding her hand and watched her body gasp and let go. It was very hard and upsetting. There are days when i miss her and wish she was here. i made a little vid for her memorial in June. here it the vid.
i miss my Aunt and Nanny very much, they made a lot of who i am today and i love them. If you have recently lost someone or did and miss them i understand. We will get though this and be ok. Just don't give up.
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